A Due Date

A few pregnant belly pictures with hope for the future beaming through, a couple of ultrasounds showing the baby at 7 and 9 weeks, a letter to our baby telling it how excited we were when we found out we were expecting it, and a baptismal candle presented to us by my loving God-Mother.  Those are what we have in a special box to remember our first baby.  Today was to be its expected due date.  Finding out that a pregnancy had actually taken place inside of me after what felt like an eternity of trying immediately shot me up to cloud nine.  Knowing that I would have a baby born in the summer made me even more excited, and I started thinking about how we would probably have to bring in cupcakes to its school on its half birthday so that it could still have a birthday celebration at school.  I started thinking and planning everything about this child’s life.  July 17, 2013 became seared in my brain, and my entire life began to revolve around the impending due date which felt like a lifetime away.  It’s hard to believe that that day is here already; a day which was supposed to be the first of yearly celebrations is now the day I have come to dread because of how much anticipation was built up around it, only to be let down when we found out we lost the baby.  So today we mourn what should have been the birth of our first child, while we also celebrate its sibling whom I currently carry to help mend the wounds of our devastation and loss.  We remember today, and we look forward to the future that we will share with all of our children, those we have living with us and those we will meet one day in Heaven.